Monday, November 20, 2006

Everybody Farts

Tuc: MOM!!! Kawyn stinks......
Me: Oh?? Why?
Tuc: She fawted.....*imagine screwed up little face here*
Me: Well, Tuc, everyone farts.
Tuc: Yeah, and Bwaeden doesn't even say 'scuse me
Me: That's boys for ya

Since my posts that mention "poop" have been so wildly popular in the comment arena, I figured I would draw on that formula again.

In doing an Internet search on "Children's Books about farts" and found some really interesting titles. The Little Book of Farting by Alec Bromcie, Farley Farts by Birtie Muller, and a whole series of Walter the Farting Dog books by William Kotzwinkle, Glenn Murray, and Audrey Colman. There is also a book called Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi. I urge you to go check them out at Amazon

Farts, as you know, vary. They can be loud, obnoxious and downright disturbing. Or, they can be of the silent and deadly type. "What the hell is that?" They can be brought on intentionally, or sneak up on you when you least expect it. They can be influenced by ones chosen diet of the day. "You are what you eat" Or they can be a symptom of a digestive disorder. Of course, every mammal farts. I have proof of that, I live with a Basset Hound. We don't call him Gassy Gus for nothing. And for any of you Seinfeld fans, "OH!!! Rusty!!!!"

Different people react to farts, or flatulence if you prefer, differently. Children especially find them amusing and tend to make a big deal about them, no matter where they are or who is the one doing the farting. Most adults try to ignore them, for the most part, or walk away from the offending party. Of course we all have the brother/brother-in-law/uncle/dad/grandpa that thinks they are hilarious, "Dude, pull my finger". Somehow, I can't imagine a woman doing or saying that.

As a nurse, I have been privilege to many emissions of the flatulent variety, and all patients have a different way of reacting. There are the ones that are very embarrassed, the ones that don't really seem to notice, the ones that don't really care. The latter always seem to be the little old grannies. They ring in the night, needing help to the bathroom. You get there and they haven't even started to remove their covers. You put their slippers (god only knows what those have stepped in over the course of the day) on their gnarly little granny feet. You tug and pull and get them to the edge of their bed. Get the walker to them, heave ho, heave ho, heave ho to get them in a standing position. "Tuck your tushy under your shoulders and stand up straight." Walk them to the bathroom. And just as you stand behind them, bending down to assist them with pulling down their underpants, they let one rip. Aren't I lucky? Bet you wish you could be a nurse too!!!


crazymumma said...

ahhh, the joys of passing a toot and our family laughs. Not so great out in public.

Mr. Code Brown said...

I like when your giving a bed bath and the patient starts blowing soap bubbles when you roll 'em over. Yes, what a wonderful job we have{sarcasm}.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAH!!! Awesome!


RX850 said...

I gave a Walter the Farting Dog book to my nieces one year. Of course that didn't make me very popular with the niece but I thought it was hysterical!

Frannie Farmer said...

I love Walter the Farting Dog. Sweetie Pie has an autographed copy. And Everyone Poops is great too. LittleMiss' preschool has a childrens tape that has a song called Everyone poops and pee's. (or something) It is hilarious!
And no, I don't wanna be a nurse. Please!