Monday, June 13, 2005

You know you are living with a toddler when.........

We have all seen lists like this, but this one is my own.........written from my many experiences of living with toddlers. My oldest "toddler" is now almost 14yrs old, my youngest being a true toddler still at 20 months. While some of these experiences were tried and true through all of the children, some are completely unique to MY know, the aliens that live in my home.

You know you are living with a toddler when....... leave the room for a brief moment and upon your return, your coffee tastes vaguely of yellow Crayola need to find the duct tape before you can change a diaper (if you don't know why, you don't have a toddler) wonder why companies don't just make the sleepers to button up the back since you have to put them on the child backwards anyway to keep them in them are not fully awake until you have stepped on several pieces of Legos in the hallway duck at the dinner table every two minutes to avoid getting an ear full of mashed potatoes and peas leave the baby in his seat and the 4yr old colouring with washable markers only for a few minutes, on your return your baby's face is completely bright orange and the 4yr old says the baby did it himself. Later when you are batheing said baby, you find a bright orange "D" (first letter of babies name) on his back. Wonder how that got there? (True story, I swear!)

.....everytime you sit down at the computer, you have to close down the hundred programs that were opened by your toddler just sitting and clicking the mouse

.....every sentence you say starts with "Stop" or "NO" or "Don't" or "OH MY GOD!" are fluent in gibberish know all the songs and words to your toddler's favourite TV show and movie, but you can't remember your Social Insurance Number (or on really good days, your name)

.....if you walked into your kitchen and there wasn't a drawer full of Tupperware strewn on the floor, you would think you were in the wrong house pick up the Tupperware container you need directly off the floor and give it a quick wipe before using it

.....every remote control in your home has the battery door broken off and the batteries are held in with duct tape put the toddler in his playpen, give him a ton of toys then spend the next 20 minutes ducking as he throws everything out at your head

.....after all the toys are thrown out of the playpen, he takes off his diaper to see if there is either something in there to play with or something more to throw at your head go to put the diaper back on the toddler and find small pieces of Tupperware, two green legos and the remnants of the yellow Crayola and wonder where in the order from colouring to in the diaper your coffee cup fit in wouldn't trade one minute of any of the above for anything.

And in closing is what I have learned about Toddlers and their things........

Toddler Property Laws

If I like it, it's mine.
If it is in my hand, it's mine.
If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I'm doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
If I think it is mine, it's mine.