Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Genius or Psycholgical Disorder?

Tuc has been obsessed with the letter T since I first taught him "T for Tucker". In fact, that is what he calls it, "T for Tucker". He is learning other letters as well, but every time me sees a "T", he just yells out "T for Tucker!!" And with my recent compulsion to play Scrabulous on Facebook 24 hours a day, he tends to see a lot of T's.

I have been made painfully aware as of late of his obsession with numbers and number patterns as well. He sits with me in my room and watches my digital clock and announces with very intense glee when there is a "match" on the clock...meaning more than one of the same number. OMG when it is 5:55...you would think he just won the lottery!

None of this comes as a real shocker to me, I, myself have always had an obsession with number patterns. Phone numbers in particular. I make note of how the pattern of the numbers is punched on the key pad, anything with a particular pattern delights me to no end....like my one sister, whose phone number is 1254....I love that it makes a little "postage stamp" on the keypad. Number patterns fascinate me as well. I remember phone numbers from when I was a kid, just because they had an interesting pattern to them.

You would think I could balance a cheque book, wouldn't you?? Yeah--no....

and one more thing about numbers, my oldest son turns 16 today, Lord, Help ME!

Thursday, August 16, 2007


I would like to wish my Princess a Happy Birthday. The world is a better place because of what happen 41 years ago today, OK maybe that's a little bit on the egotistical side...but I know my life is a better place because of it. Iris, you are a wonderful mother, sister, daughter, friend, best friend and love, to me and so many people. You touch so many people's lives with your care and love that we are all better for it. Happy Birthday, I love you.

Le Nouveau Homme

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

A little Garth Brooks anyone??

So last night I was watching the final performance show of America's Got Talent (I know, I know...lame, but the kids like it) and there is this ventriloquist who does impersonations of singers...he is actually very good. His usual gig is the Rat Pack, the old standards, and one night he even did Etta James. Last night for his first performance the judges got to choose his song. They chose Friends In Low Places by Garth Brooks. He did awesome. I sang along, being silly for my kids...and The Tuc Man singing too...."I got nice friends in nice places". Made me think of all of you!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Reflections of High School

It has been a long time since I was in high school. Twenty three years, to be exact. I will sit back for a moment while you do the math.... *insert Jeopardy music here* .....yes, that makes me 41 (well, not quite, but in 4 more days.

High school for me was not horrible, but it wasn't exactly a cake walk either. I was not one of the Universally Disliked. I was not one of the Undesirables. I wasn't one of the Ultra Populars either. I floated around somewhere in the middle. I had a lot of different friends, in different social groups. Some were partyers, some were not. Some my friends drank alcohol, some smoked, some smoked stuff....and some did none of those things. Some dated lots of guys, some dated the same guy, some did not date. And strangely enough, I felt comfortable with all of them, even if most of the time, I felt terribly uncomfortable with myself.

I truly had not thought too much about high school in recent years. I had no real connections to anyone from there much anymore....until I found Facebook. Now I have found people I haven't even thought about in years....and I am truly enjoying it!

I have found in myself a confidence that was never there in high school. I know, most people are not truly confident in high school, but there are sure those who seem to be. The ones that owned the school and whom everyone looked up to and admired and wanted to be. In reconnecting with some of the people I knew back then, I have realized that what appeared on the outside was not what was truly going on on the inside. That while I felt so alone with my skeletons and demons while everyone else seemed to breeze through easily, that they too, were trying to keep their demons and skeletons from showing through.

The other part to that is that there are people that may have appeared even weaker than myself, who have blossomed into these amazingly beautiful people, full of care and compassion that was just never allowed to be nurtured in the snake pit of high school. And yet, there are still some people that so intimidated me in high school, that I feel I cannot approach them now, because those old feelings of fear of rejection still linger somewhere in my psyche.

I have grown into a complex, intelligent, compassionate adult human being. I have far more confidence than I ever dreamed I could. A lot of that, of course, has come from my life experiences, negative and positive. From being a parent, to being a single parent, to being a single parent to a teenager. From going through divorce, and the breakdown of a second major relationship. And still not afraid to love again, knowing for certain that this time....third time is a charm. And hoping that somewhere along the way I am teaching my children that people make mistakes, no one is perfect, and that the only bad thing is not trying to fix a mistake once it is recognized. Teaching them that sometimes there can be more love, peace and joy when it comes divided in two. Teaching my children that it matters not who they love, but that it is how they love them that is important.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Thank You, NewMan

I want to take this time to thank Jacques for posting for me the other day, in my absence. I certainly didn't expect such a beautiful post from him! I am a lucky lucky woman. As you can see, I think he loves me a lot! Good thing, cause I love him a lot too. I have decided to keep him on here as a contributor to this blog. He has an interesting writing style and can tell a story to make you laugh. He had his own blog for a short while, but found he didn't get it updated enough for his liking. So when he has a good story to tell, I will encourage him to post it here. Watch out for it!

As you have seen also, my aunt is ill. She has been battling cancer for a while, and is now at the end of her battle. My mother had to go to be with her, now until the end, so my annual vacation to my mom's cabin has been cancelled this year. So I am hanging out with my kids at home. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason, so I am going to just go with the flow.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

I am New Man!

While Iris is facing a crisis of family she has given me the distinct honor of being a guest blogger for her. Thinking long and hard of what subject I could post while she is away (she will actually be back tonight from picking up her kiddos) I thought heck...there is only 1 post I could make...

I am New Man!

Yes, I am the legendary New Man...who is the old man...yet...New Man lol. I have had the pleasure of knowing Iris for 10 years and about 8-9 years ago we met got close and fell in love, deeply in love. There were some issues and we went our separate ways. Through our long conversations and time that we've spent getting back to know each other again over the past 15 months we've both admitted that our thoughts drifted back and forth to one another over the years and for me even as far as asking mutual friends about her all time. Life hasn't been without its hiccups over 7 years (3 Children and 2 Marriages teaches a person or in this case 2 people quite a bit) but its amazing what one learns when you are in a place that breeds unhappiness and misery. Finding each other again at the time when we have has been awesome. Drawing upon a deep friendship that has lasted so long and realizing a love has been there but untouched and buried under 7 years of...stuff. It is refreshing. If there is one thing I have learned that when you have been at the bottom, you cherish that which you have lost and rarely does one get a second chance at something so wonderful. I am lucky.

That isn't to say that life is greener on the other side. The process of getting together is just that a process. It is a battle that we are looking at fighting and enduring for at least 2 years. Life changes are massive and they are coming. Those who would think there is an air of naïvité here don't be fooled. Love doesn't conquer all. That IS a myth. Love doesn't conquer all it is not a carte blanche giving people the ability to do as they wish or not be prepared for the worse, or worse yet, not put 100% effort into things. Honesty, trust, understanding and patience are what make love work. I've learned that in the past 5 years that loving a person has to work hand in hand with all listed above. If you can't do that, if you don't see yourself doing that. You will never be happy. To love someone is to not love them, but love their faults and crimes and failures only then will you love someone truly enough to love them forever.

I'm a lucky New Man, who intends on eventually graduating to New Husband. Seeing life as a challenge to be taken 1 day at a time and enjoying every second of it. And together as she knows I eat way too unhealthy (which her nurse side has already threatened to curb), that I have this habit of drooling (I know...ICK)and that yes...I DO leave the toilet seat up (yes women, we all do it...sorry) we will find happiness not only in love...but in honesty, trust, patience and understanding.

I am New Man. Bonjour!

Sunday, August 05, 2007

I am not ready to say goodbye

Dear Auntie Dot,

There are so many things I want to say to you. Things I have said before, maybe some I have never said. All things I hope you will always know.

I love you. Not just because you are my mother's sister, but because you are you. My childhood memories of you are so vivid. Your wonderful sense of humour, your hearty robust laugh, that smile that just beams! The amazing strength you have demonstrated in your life, through all of the things you have endured, it is an inspiration to me, and will always live in me. Your compassion and understanding when I talked to you of my own difficulties, it meant so much to me. I am not sure I can ever really explain it, but know, it really helped me.

I know you have said you don't want us to be sad. But, I cannot help it. I am sad for me, though, not for you. If I had been able to change things, of course I would have cured you of your cancer and kept you here forever. But since I cannot, I have to let you go, and take comfort in the thoughts of you seeing Grandma, Uncle Mike, Uncle Bill, Leia and my Dad again. How wonderful that reunion will be! So even though I am and will continue to shed tears, know they are for the pain you are feeling now, and my own pain of missing you.

I will always hold that memory of seeing you at mom's for her birthday. I can still feel that strong, long hug. Just holding on and hugging for long minutes. So much happiness and all emotions rolled into one. How happy I am to have the memory to hold onto. Thank you so much. Thank you for all of the memories, stories, and strength. Thank you for coming back to us. Thank you for everything, Auntie Dot. And even though I am far from ready, and probably never would be..... I must say these words........


Until the day we meet again....

Love Iris