I am not ready to say goodbye

Dear Auntie Dot,

There are so many things I want to say to you. Things I have said before, maybe some I have never said. All things I hope you will always know.

I love you. Not just because you are my mother's sister, but because you are you. My childhood memories of you are so vivid. Your wonderful sense of humour, your hearty robust laugh, that smile that just beams! The amazing strength you have demonstrated in your life, through all of the things you have endured, it is an inspiration to me, and will always live in me. Your compassion and understanding when I talked to you of my own difficulties, it meant so much to me. I am not sure I can ever really explain it, but know, it really helped me.

I know you have said you don't want us to be sad. But, I cannot help it. I am sad for me, though, not for you. If I had been able to change things, of course I would have cured you of your cancer and kept you here forever. But since I cannot, I have to let you go, and take comfort in the thoughts of you seeing Grandma, Uncle Mike, Uncle Bill, Leia and my Dad again. How wonderful that reunion will be! So even though I am and will continue to shed tears, know they are for the pain you are feeling now, and my own pain of missing you.

I will always hold that memory of seeing you at mom's for her birthday. I can still feel that strong, long hug. Just holding on and hugging for long minutes. So much happiness and all emotions rolled into one. How happy I am to have the memory to hold onto. Thank you so much. Thank you for all of the memories, stories, and strength. Thank you for coming back to us. Thank you for everything, Auntie Dot. And even though I am far from ready, and probably never would be..... I must say these words........

Goodbye........

Until the day we meet again....

Love Iris