Thursday, July 05, 2007

I have become childless.....

and that has taken away a lot of my inspiration for my writing. No Tuc coming in and saying something so profound or funny ..... No teenager angst to talk about.... no drama queen diva trauma to talk about.....no nothing to write about.

I could talk about work....but I have to be careful there too, as there is FOIP hovering about like Orwell's Big Brother....preventing me from talking about the people I encounter, no matter how anonymous I try to make the post.

I can blog about NewMan, but frankly, I only can talk about the heartache of being apart from him still....and wanting to have him here with me finally.

But back to being childless. I am not the "empty nester" kind of parent. I do not cease to exist just because my offspring are not physically with me. I try to enjoy the quiet and solitude. Yesterday I went shopping.....I bought a package with one steak in it....one carton of milk.....one container of yogurt......that is just so foreign to me. With four kids, grocery shopping always involves case lots of things and family packs and wholesale.....

My kids are away for their annual summer vacation back in Saskatchewan where they visit with my family, their dad's family and spend time at my mom's cabin. I have always enjoyed my summers with the kids gone.....but last night, I realized..... it was the first time I slept in my house completely alone in probably four years or more. Even when my kids were gone, I always had Tuc and his dad was always here as well. I was lonely last night. I talked to my oldest son on MSN last night, and he told me he didn't miss me.......that broke my heart. He said he had only been gone a week and hasn't had time to miss me yet........sigh.......

7 comments:

JaniceNW said...

My 16yo is in Kansas for a baseabll tourney. He was born here in Western WA and lived all 16.5 years here. So what does he do? He calls me yesterday to tell me they're under a tornado warning, not a watch, a warning! He's laughing his rear off cuz he knows I've been through close tornados and I would freak. He called 10 minutes later to say they were going to the basement. Then 20 minutes after that it was cancelled. Children are just plain evil if you ask me.

I bet your son missed you in his own way but would never ever tell you that!

Hugs.

Nancy said...

I understand that kind of lonely. When my girls are gone for any length of time I always have these grand plans of things that I am going to do while childless. They never happen......I usually just sit and wait for them to come home. Plans to revel in the silence of their absence quickly turn to plans to revel in their squabbles, arguments and whirlwinds of activity.

may said...

my boys are just 4 and 2 years old, and i'm sort of dreading the silence in the future, when they are out in the house. insane, but you do get used to voices, and it gets pretty lonely when those voices are gone.

insanity-suits-me (Dawn) said...

I feel your pain. My 17 year old daughter joined the Reserves for a summer position. She is only an hour away and I'm not feeling the "empty nest"...more like the forgotten Mom. I know how difficult training is and how many hours are spent marching, exercising etc. So I figured she would want to talk to me..if only to complain. I just wanted to know how bad her blisters were and if she got any sleep...but all I get is "Mom, I haven't got time to talk...gotta go. bye." What happened to my girlie girl who spent her days reading fashion magazines???...sigh

sara - The Estrogen Files said...

(((HUGS))) cause you sound like you need it. I hope everyone gets home soon and the loneliness abates.

Lara Angelina said...

My 17 and 11 year olds were gone for about 4 days recently and I missed them terribly. My 11 year old daughter missed me, but my 17 year old was off doing his favorite thing, playing with his band and recording. It felt great when he came home, gave me a big hug and said, "Love you Mom". So maybe he did miss me!

Hope your house is full again like mine!
Great blog!
Lara

angel said...

although i miss damien terribly when he's away (he's never been gone for anything near as long as your summer holidays are) i also make the most of my time alone.