and that has taken away a lot of my inspiration for my writing. No Tuc coming in and saying something so profound or funny ..... No teenager angst to talk about.... no drama queen diva trauma to talk about.....no nothing to write about.
I could talk about work....but I have to be careful there too, as there is FOIP hovering about like Orwell's Big Brother....preventing me from talking about the people I encounter, no matter how anonymous I try to make the post.
I can blog about NewMan, but frankly, I only can talk about the heartache of being apart from him still....and wanting to have him here with me finally.
But back to being childless. I am not the "empty nester" kind of parent. I do not cease to exist just because my offspring are not physically with me. I try to enjoy the quiet and solitude. Yesterday I went shopping.....I bought a package with one steak in it....one carton of milk.....one container of yogurt......that is just so foreign to me. With four kids, grocery shopping always involves case lots of things and family packs and wholesale.....
My kids are away for their annual summer vacation back in Saskatchewan where they visit with my family, their dad's family and spend time at my mom's cabin. I have always enjoyed my summers with the kids gone.....but last night, I realized..... it was the first time I slept in my house completely alone in probably four years or more. Even when my kids were gone, I always had Tuc and his dad was always here as well. I was lonely last night. I talked to my oldest son on MSN last night, and he told me he didn't miss me.......that broke my heart. He said he had only been gone a week and hasn't had time to miss me yet........sigh.......
