I am inspired by a post by Sara at The Estrogen Files. She believes that single moms should not date until the children have left home. I respect her opinion, for her own life. She lives in a wonderful marriage, she has a belief system and moral code that dictates she not divorce. I am happy for her. I wish I had chosen the right husband the first time around and would not have had to put my children through divorce. But that was not meant to be for me.
But, I also do not believe that my children would have benefit from me being lonely and unhappy until they left home either.
I did not choose to be a single mother. My first marriage dissolved after years of mutual emotional abuse. It was unhealthy for me, my ex-husband, and our children. He was unhappy, I was depressed, the children were a mess. He left and I picked up the pieces of my life. A year later, I met a wonderful man.....we knew we were soul mates. My children didn't meet him until almost 2 years after my husband and I split. We were all happy. But something happened and caused us to split up.
I had another relationship, never married, but had another child. That relationship was not good for a long time, but I tried really hard to keep it together. For the sake of the children.........only I found out later that I was forsaking the children with that relationship. They were miserable, as was I and as was he. I finally set him free, so to speak.
Now, I have reunited with the man I was involved with after my first marriage dissolved. We believe now, more than ever, that we are soul mates. We have forged a bond that is not to be broken again. We know that bond was essentially forged several years ago when we were first together. Now, if I had met him first, I may believe what Sara believes, that there would be no other marriage in my life. I know that with this man.........my children will only benefit, blossom, grow and flourish in the love that NewMan and I share. He believes in family and children and we have similar beliefs and moral code.
I do not believe my children would have been happy if I had chosen to be alone and lonely and bitter.....I do not think they would have been happy if I only lived for them.........a person, even a mother, has to live for themselves. This does not mean that I don't put my children first, it means I do what I believe to be best for them. In my life, what was best for them was for me to divorce my first husband, to try to find happiness, even if that means making a few mistakes along the road.
I know that different people have different life experience that brings them to different conclusions.....and for me, this is right.....for Sara, her beliefs are right for her. I truly do not believe in forcing my views on someone else, but in being respectful to everyone for their own beliefs.
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