Long Time, No Blog

I am certain that the one reader who may have faithfully been reading me at one time, has given up on me. I have felt so very uninspired as of late.

Life here has been good. NewMan and I are settling into life together. There are a lot of bumps along the way, as there are with any relationship. Add in the fact that I have 4 kids, two of whom are teenagers, and the fact that he is so far away from his own children, you can only imagine the ups and downs we feel here daily.

My oldest son, who will be 17 this summer, decided about 6 weeks ago that he did not want to live with me anymore. It has been a very difficult transition for me, but one that really needed to be done. He has had a lot of anger issues in the past, and he has a definite issue with authority. He did not like my rules. I suppose they were unreasonable ones.

1. Get up and go to school every day
2. Come home on time
3. Clean up after your self
4. Do the chores assigned to you without having to be told a million times
5. No smoking, alcohol or drugs

I am a tyrant.

His father seems to think he can do a better job with him than I can. I hope he can, actually. I have had enough, frankly. I took the child to counselling on several occasions to help him deal with his issues about our divorce. I took him to anger management classes to help him avoid some serious trouble he may have gotten himself into. I tried to be a parent rather than a best friend. And all I got in return from him was that he hated me.

It has truly broken my heart and my spirit.

Parenting is Hard

I have never professed myself to be the perfect parent...hell, I have never even professed myself to be a good parent. At best, I am the accidental parent. Not to take away from the beautiful miracle of becoming a mother.... but when it happened to me, I hadn't exactly planned it. I love my children to the death, I would give my life for them (at times, I feel that I already have).

I was only married 5 short months, was in the middle of my first year of Nursing school, when I got pregnant with my first son. I remember being scared, annoyed, P.O.ed at myself. How did this happen to me? But happen it did. I am now the proud mother of a 6' tall, 220lb, blue eyed 16yr old boy with beautiful auburn hair, which he has recently cut into a mohawk. UGH! But, I pick my battles, right?

My other children also present their own challenges. My 12yr old boy struggles with depression, and ADD. My daughter struggles with CDS & OGS....Chronic Diva Syndrome and Only Girl Syndrome. She has somehow developed this attitude that she can do or say whatever she likes and should never have to pay a consequence.

The 4yr old....now he is really a piece of work. I know I have caused this problem with him. He is the baby. I have always catered to him. I have always felt such tremendous guilt about the kids having only one parent that I have over compensated. I have spoiled all my children, but the little one is the worst. And now, I am having to do damage control. I am having to retrain him to not always getting what he wants.

I am having to retrain all of my children. I have created a collective monster of unaappreciation that is wearing very very thin with myself and most others that have to deal with them. Teaching old dogs new tricks is never an easy task. And I am quickly realizing I am not a dog trainer.

Happy New Year!!

Wow, a whole new year. And I don't feel one bit different today.....

I didn't make any resolutions, since they really don't ever hold anyway. Maybe I should make some that I can actually keep, to keep the feeling of failure away...

I resolve in 2008 to:

Eat more chocolate
Yell at my kids more
Exercise less
Spend way more time on the computer
Watch more reality tv

Hmmmmmm........maybe I have something here

The Future Begins, November 21 2007...

I thought I'd come and make a post for Rissy as she has been neglecting her blog for a while now (Bad Rissy). In truth it is mostly my fault. I have been keeping her busy very busy in preparations for my arrival...my final arrival...on the 21st of this month. After a long battle, much bloodshed (ok not so much) and a 350 Dollar 1 way ticket (that isn't too pricey really) I am ready to go. We've been busying ourselves with plans and shipping. I've shipped quite a few things up there and my last box gets shipped out next friday (WOW!)
So much excitement of course doesn't come without sacrifice. This blog has suffered immensely at the hands of our planning and excitement and I know Rissy is sorry for that. I've suffered too trust me (:P) so much that Rissy actually admitted something to me the other day...the dreaded enemy of mankind... P...M...S...

Yes, she admitted it. After a day of general crankiness (we all have our cranky days right?) she admitted it. It was under some great duress, and most likely due to the fact that it would cause great chagrin amongst womankind. I have never understood why women have such a tough time admitting that. I mean, when I'm crabby I admit it. Hell when I'm crabby everyone knows about it, share and share alike I always say :D. I did some checking about PMS on Wikipedia and the sense is that it is a definate condition that has medicine to treat it. I mean, when something has medicine to treat it, it is a condition right...look at restless leg syndrom *rolls eyes*. I will never forget the first time I heard about "PMS" I was 17 at Uni, and someone I was going out with said "Man, I must be PMSing" and I said...before thinking of course..."So there is a Medical reason you are being a jerk right now"...

...
...

As you guessed it...didn't last much longer after that...lol

I love my blog, I really love my blog

But something seems to have hijacked it. It freezes up on me something terrible whenever I try to visit here (apparently it locks up other visitors as well). I don't know what is wrong with it, or what to do to fix it. If anyone has any ideas, I would love to hear them!!!!!

Well, our weekend is over

It was wonderful, but oh too short. The kids loved it, and Tuc clung to him like crazy. I think the kids got more love time than I did, but that is okay too...I have a lifetime of lovin', right?

Tuc, who is usully so shy and wary of strangers, just loved up Jacques....he has been craving a positive male role model. It was just so cute how he had to copy everything Jacques did. Even wearing a robe around the house and tying it the same way.

I am so in love, and so happy the kids are too!

Is there anyone left out there to read this???

Hi all!

Sorry to have neglected my dear blog lately. With back to school and work and all that I have been up to this fall, something had to give, and unfortunately, it was this.

But now for some fun stuff.

NEWMAN IS COMING!!! He is coming to my home tomorrow for 3 days to celebrate the Canadian Thanksgiving with my kids and I. I know he won't be here for the official day on Monday, but really, there are very few Canadians that actually celebrate and hold the meal on the Monday anyway.

We have some tentative dates for his final arrival to live here as well, but I am not going to divulge those quite yet.

YAY!! Happy Thanksgiving to ME!!!

Genius or Psycholgical Disorder?

Tuc has been obsessed with the letter T since I first taught him "T for Tucker". In fact, that is what he calls it, "T for Tucker". He is learning other letters as well, but every time me sees a "T", he just yells out "T for Tucker!!" And with my recent compulsion to play Scrabulous on Facebook 24 hours a day, he tends to see a lot of T's.

I have been made painfully aware as of late of his obsession with numbers and number patterns as well. He sits with me in my room and watches my digital clock and announces with very intense glee when there is a "match" on the clock...meaning more than one of the same number. OMG when it is 5:55...you would think he just won the lottery!

None of this comes as a real shocker to me, I, myself have always had an obsession with number patterns. Phone numbers in particular. I make note of how the pattern of the numbers is punched on the key pad, anything with a particular pattern delights me to no end....like my one sister, whose phone number is 1254....I love that it makes a little "postage stamp" on the keypad. Number patterns fascinate me as well. I remember phone numbers from when I was a kid, just because they had an interesting pattern to them.

You would think I could balance a cheque book, wouldn't you?? Yeah--no....

and one more thing about numbers, my oldest son turns 16 today, Lord, Help ME!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IRIS!!!

I would like to wish my Princess a Happy Birthday. The world is a better place because of what happen 41 years ago today, OK maybe that's a little bit on the egotistical side...but I know my life is a better place because of it. Iris, you are a wonderful mother, sister, daughter, friend, best friend and love, to me and so many people. You touch so many people's lives with your care and love that we are all better for it. Happy Birthday, I love you.


Le Nouveau Homme

A little Garth Brooks anyone??

So last night I was watching the final performance show of America's Got Talent (I know, I know...lame, but the kids like it) and there is this ventriloquist who does impersonations of singers...he is actually very good. His usual gig is the Rat Pack, the old standards, and one night he even did Etta James. Last night for his first performance the judges got to choose his song. They chose Friends In Low Places by Garth Brooks. He did awesome. I sang along, being silly for my kids...and The Tuc Man singing too...."I got nice friends in nice places". Made me think of all of you!

Reflections of High School

It has been a long time since I was in high school. Twenty three years, to be exact. I will sit back for a moment while you do the math.... *insert Jeopardy music here* .....yes, that makes me 41 (well, not quite, but in 4 more days.

High school for me was not horrible, but it wasn't exactly a cake walk either. I was not one of the Universally Disliked. I was not one of the Undesirables. I wasn't one of the Ultra Populars either. I floated around somewhere in the middle. I had a lot of different friends, in different social groups. Some were partyers, some were not. Some my friends drank alcohol, some smoked, some smoked stuff....and some did none of those things. Some dated lots of guys, some dated the same guy, some did not date. And strangely enough, I felt comfortable with all of them, even if most of the time, I felt terribly uncomfortable with myself.

I truly had not thought too much about high school in recent years. I had no real connections to anyone from there much anymore....until I found Facebook. Now I have found people I haven't even thought about in years....and I am truly enjoying it!

I have found in myself a confidence that was never there in high school. I know, most people are not truly confident in high school, but there are sure those who seem to be. The ones that owned the school and whom everyone looked up to and admired and wanted to be. In reconnecting with some of the people I knew back then, I have realized that what appeared on the outside was not what was truly going on on the inside. That while I felt so alone with my skeletons and demons while everyone else seemed to breeze through easily, that they too, were trying to keep their demons and skeletons from showing through.

The other part to that is that there are people that may have appeared even weaker than myself, who have blossomed into these amazingly beautiful people, full of care and compassion that was just never allowed to be nurtured in the snake pit of high school. And yet, there are still some people that so intimidated me in high school, that I feel I cannot approach them now, because those old feelings of fear of rejection still linger somewhere in my psyche.

I have grown into a complex, intelligent, compassionate adult human being. I have far more confidence than I ever dreamed I could. A lot of that, of course, has come from my life experiences, negative and positive. From being a parent, to being a single parent, to being a single parent to a teenager. From going through divorce, and the breakdown of a second major relationship. And still not afraid to love again, knowing for certain that this time....third time is a charm. And hoping that somewhere along the way I am teaching my children that people make mistakes, no one is perfect, and that the only bad thing is not trying to fix a mistake once it is recognized. Teaching them that sometimes there can be more love, peace and joy when it comes divided in two. Teaching my children that it matters not who they love, but that it is how they love them that is important.

Thank You, NewMan

I want to take this time to thank Jacques for posting for me the other day, in my absence. I certainly didn't expect such a beautiful post from him! I am a lucky lucky woman. As you can see, I think he loves me a lot! Good thing, cause I love him a lot too. I have decided to keep him on here as a contributor to this blog. He has an interesting writing style and can tell a story to make you laugh. He had his own blog for a short while, but found he didn't get it updated enough for his liking. So when he has a good story to tell, I will encourage him to post it here. Watch out for it!

As you have seen also, my aunt is ill. She has been battling cancer for a while, and is now at the end of her battle. My mother had to go to be with her, now until the end, so my annual vacation to my mom's cabin has been cancelled this year. So I am hanging out with my kids at home. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason, so I am going to just go with the flow.

I am New Man!

While Iris is facing a crisis of family she has given me the distinct honor of being a guest blogger for her. Thinking long and hard of what subject I could post while she is away (she will actually be back tonight from picking up her kiddos) I thought heck...there is only 1 post I could make...

I am New Man!

Yes, I am the legendary New Man...who is the old man...yet...New Man lol. I have had the pleasure of knowing Iris for 10 years and about 8-9 years ago we met got close and fell in love, deeply in love. There were some issues and we went our separate ways. Through our long conversations and time that we've spent getting back to know each other again over the past 15 months we've both admitted that our thoughts drifted back and forth to one another over the years and for me even as far as asking mutual friends about her all time. Life hasn't been without its hiccups over 7 years (3 Children and 2 Marriages teaches a person or in this case 2 people quite a bit) but its amazing what one learns when you are in a place that breeds unhappiness and misery. Finding each other again at the time when we have has been awesome. Drawing upon a deep friendship that has lasted so long and realizing a love has been there but untouched and buried under 7 years of...stuff. It is refreshing. If there is one thing I have learned that when you have been at the bottom, you cherish that which you have lost and rarely does one get a second chance at something so wonderful. I am lucky.


That isn't to say that life is greener on the other side. The process of getting together is just that a process. It is a battle that we are looking at fighting and enduring for at least 2 years. Life changes are massive and they are coming. Those who would think there is an air of naïvité here don't be fooled. Love doesn't conquer all. That IS a myth. Love doesn't conquer all it is not a carte blanche giving people the ability to do as they wish or not be prepared for the worse, or worse yet, not put 100% effort into things. Honesty, trust, understanding and patience are what make love work. I've learned that in the past 5 years that loving a person has to work hand in hand with all listed above. If you can't do that, if you don't see yourself doing that. You will never be happy. To love someone is to not love them, but love their faults and crimes and failures only then will you love someone truly enough to love them forever.


I'm a lucky New Man, who intends on eventually graduating to New Husband. Seeing life as a challenge to be taken 1 day at a time and enjoying every second of it. And together as she knows I eat way too unhealthy (which her nurse side has already threatened to curb), that I have this habit of drooling (I know...ICK)and that yes...I DO leave the toilet seat up (yes women, we all do it...sorry) we will find happiness not only in love...but in honesty, trust, patience and understanding.

I am New Man. Bonjour!

I am not ready to say goodbye

Dear Auntie Dot,

There are so many things I want to say to you. Things I have said before, maybe some I have never said. All things I hope you will always know.

I love you. Not just because you are my mother's sister, but because you are you. My childhood memories of you are so vivid. Your wonderful sense of humour, your hearty robust laugh, that smile that just beams! The amazing strength you have demonstrated in your life, through all of the things you have endured, it is an inspiration to me, and will always live in me. Your compassion and understanding when I talked to you of my own difficulties, it meant so much to me. I am not sure I can ever really explain it, but know, it really helped me.

I know you have said you don't want us to be sad. But, I cannot help it. I am sad for me, though, not for you. If I had been able to change things, of course I would have cured you of your cancer and kept you here forever. But since I cannot, I have to let you go, and take comfort in the thoughts of you seeing Grandma, Uncle Mike, Uncle Bill, Leia and my Dad again. How wonderful that reunion will be! So even though I am and will continue to shed tears, know they are for the pain you are feeling now, and my own pain of missing you.

I will always hold that memory of seeing you at mom's for her birthday. I can still feel that strong, long hug. Just holding on and hugging for long minutes. So much happiness and all emotions rolled into one. How happy I am to have the memory to hold onto. Thank you so much. Thank you for all of the memories, stories, and strength. Thank you for coming back to us. Thank you for everything, Auntie Dot. And even though I am far from ready, and probably never would be..... I must say these words........

Goodbye........

Until the day we meet again....

Love Iris

Blogging Hiatus Hernia

Here I am, popping out in the middle of my summer blogging hiatus. I was away for a few days visiting my mom and my youngest, Tuc. I had to leave him with my mom still for a couple more weeks until my summer vacation starts and I can head out to the cabin.

I also seem to have messed up my wireless connection on this laptop. I had taken the laptop to mom's and was getting online there, but now, my home network is not working properly....

I apologize for the posting here being sporadic and rather boring....I hope to get better soon.

I have become childless.....

and that has taken away a lot of my inspiration for my writing. No Tuc coming in and saying something so profound or funny ..... No teenager angst to talk about.... no drama queen diva trauma to talk about.....no nothing to write about.

I could talk about work....but I have to be careful there too, as there is FOIP hovering about like Orwell's Big Brother....preventing me from talking about the people I encounter, no matter how anonymous I try to make the post.

I can blog about NewMan, but frankly, I only can talk about the heartache of being apart from him still....and wanting to have him here with me finally.

But back to being childless. I am not the "empty nester" kind of parent. I do not cease to exist just because my offspring are not physically with me. I try to enjoy the quiet and solitude. Yesterday I went shopping.....I bought a package with one steak in it....one carton of milk.....one container of yogurt......that is just so foreign to me. With four kids, grocery shopping always involves case lots of things and family packs and wholesale.....

My kids are away for their annual summer vacation back in Saskatchewan where they visit with my family, their dad's family and spend time at my mom's cabin. I have always enjoyed my summers with the kids gone.....but last night, I realized..... it was the first time I slept in my house completely alone in probably four years or more. Even when my kids were gone, I always had Tuc and his dad was always here as well. I was lonely last night. I talked to my oldest son on MSN last night, and he told me he didn't miss me.......that broke my heart. He said he had only been gone a week and hasn't had time to miss me yet........sigh.......

Home again, home again...........

Well, I made it home.

There were no plane delays. No cancelled flights........I had to come home. And leave NewMan behind again.

It was 1000 times harder this time to come home and not bring him with me. All I want is to have him here and have my family complete.

The next trip I take down there, will be to bring him home.

Stay tuned...........

Blogging on the Road..........

My flights out here were alright........completely uneventful. Only once I landed at O'Hare did I hear that travellers had been grounded for days due to bad weather. I can only hope and pray that I, too, get delayed on Sunday and am able to spend an extra day here with my love.

I checked into my hotel, only to find out that the pool is closed.....I booked through Travelocity, and I am wondering where that effing little Gnome was....isn't he supposed to let people know when those things happen???? I called to talk to him, but I got some bitchy guy with a very hard to understand accent instead. He really didn't give a crap that the pool was closed in my hotel and that I wasn't going to be able to swim during the day while my man is at work. Not to mention that there will be no hanky panky in the hot tub....jerk. After me complaining to him and not letting him hang up, he agreed to give me a $25 credit on a future trip.... whoopdy freakin' do.

Wednesday evening we just picked up dinner at this awesome little Asian place that we have eaten at before, and where NewMan eats lunch often during the week. They make some of the best Hot & Sour soup....mmmmmmmmm. Last night, we went out to this Mexican place....it is always so good....SPICY!! And tonight, we are doing dinner and a movie. This kind of dating is always so funny, since we tend to go a couple months without seeing each other, then try to cram in all our dates in just a couple days. It is fun though!

I fly home on Sunday again....it all seems so short. I cannot wait for the day when he is finally home with me for good. There will be a big celebration for me that day......as it will be a day I have waited for for a very long time.

I just want to thank NewMan for leaving me his laptop in the hotel room, mostly so I can talk to him while he is at work all day, but also so I could keep up with my blogging and Facebook stuff. Thanks my baby! You are the best......

I finally have a scientific excuse for being a slug......

Iris' biorhythms updated daily:

Physical: You're far from your physical peak. Don't overdo it. (-63 % and falling.)
Emotional: VERY LOW INDEED. Look after yourself. (-97 % but rising.)
Intellectual: An OK day for brain power. (37 % and rising.)

If you want your own Biorhythm evaluation, click on my Facebook link and sign up. And then you too, can get sucked into the abyss that is Facebook.

Advertising Geniuses

We have all heard an advertising jingle that just sticks in your head for days and days. That is the whole point. Who can resist that package of luncheon meat when the vision of cute little kids singing, "My bologna has a first name......" comes into your head.

And there is the onslaught of toy ads, that when I was a child only came on at Christmas time, but now clutter the Cartoon Network on a daily basis, making the children watching think there is no possible way they can live another day with out the Super Bratz Powder Puff Pink Ranger with Real Lazer Vision. Of course, perhaps my children just watch too much TV, like Anonymouse said of The Joy Children about this post

I have given you all evidence how witty and charming my son, The Tucster, can be. He is a 3 1/2 year old, after all. He is the worst offender in this house about the singing over and over and over and over of the mindless songs, playing the movies on a never ending loop, and repeating the commercials. He will walk into the room and recite along with the TV, "Maybe its Mabaween"

So you can only understand why I wasn't really surprised to hear him singing,

"Bom chicka wah wah"..... a great big thank you to the advertising geniuses at Axe.